I froze on stage at my first dance recital. I never smiled with my teeth in school pictures. I would never raise my hand in class, even if I knew the answer. I had many friends, but was afraid of people. In seventh grade, my mother would dial my friends' phone numbers and "force" me to hang out with them. No, really.
Over the years, something changed in me. Now, people don't believe me when I claim to be a shy person. I think this change is due to the fact that I have learned to work well under pressure; but although I may appear to be fairly outgoing in social situations, the roots of my shyness remain.
Now, for some, beginning a conversation may not be a huge fear. But given my background of childhood chronic shyness, I still feel a knot in my stomach when I even think about talking to a stranger. I think this anxiety develops because, in all honesty, I don't enjoy forced conversation. Especially sitting in classroom of hundreds of BYU students, the last thing I want to do is play the question game: What's your name? Where you from? What's your major? Where did you serve your mission? Are you dating anyone? (yes, a complete stranger has asked me that one)… Uh, yeah, no. Trying to get to know someone in a 3-minute time frame is like speed-dating. I would just rather not. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I hate people - I really love people, almost as much as I love eavesdropping on the awkwardness of BYU zoobie small-talk conversations.
Okay, okay, fine. That's not the true reason of my conversation avoidance. The issue is deeper… I'll let you in on a little secret: I'm in love with my comfort zone. Shocker, right? I'm sure everyone would agree that comfort zones are a threat to living life to its full potential. Comfort zones hinder growth. And after 21 years of being in the comfort of my shyness, the time has come to face this fear.
This is the week that I will fearlessly reach out to others.
[last semester of school and I'm just barely starting to
reach out to classmates? better late than never I guess.]
Day One.
In attempts to get in the zone, I decided to walk to school without distractions. I left my headphones in my backpack to avoid drowning out my thoughts; to be in the moment. I thought about my task for the week: getting to know others in each of my classes. Butterflies immediately filled my entire body as I entered the classroom…
Here I go.
Wait, class is already over?
And the only person I had a conversation with was my professor?
Well, I dropped the ball on this one. But everyone around me looked so busy and were in their own world… I didn't want to bother them... better luck next class.
There's the justification, again.
Day Two. The turning point.
So, I knew today would start out better, because my friend Anna would be in my first class. Having another person you already know in the class always helps; you can tag-team when initiating a conversation with a stranger…. the transition is much smoother if conversation starts to go downhill.
I walk into class, cannot find Anna, so I sit in the back and save her a seat. Waiting, waiting, waiting…. Not reaching out to anyone in the meantime, confused as to where Anna was…. And then, class starts.
Seriously, Court? Another opportunity lost.
Later, I found out that Anna was not even enrolled in that class. Once again, I waited in my comfort zone too long, hoping that something would happen.
The moment class was dismissed, I made the decision to be stronger in conquering my fear. No more excuses, this had to be done. And so it was.
Over the next two days, I made some major conversation milestones:
-I talked to a girl named Coral in my Infant Development class.
-I initiated conversation with a girl I had seen in my classes, but had never met.
-I complimented a girl named Stephanie in my Child Socialization class.
-While walking on campus, I caught up with an old high school classmate I hadn't seen in years, rather than letting him pass by.
What a week. My perspective has been completely changed. Through the journey of conquering this week's fear, I have realized that conversation does not have to be forced; intentions of sincerity are everything. Again, let me reiterate that these conversation milestones may just be small feats for some people. But for others, this fear is real, and initiating a conversation may be the hardest thing ever. I believe that even the smallest acts of reaching out bring about the greatest outcomes. Breaking the ice this week was the just the beginning… I post a challenge for all, myself included, to make a strong effort to reach out. Reach out to everyone around you, not only to better your own life, but the lives of others.
And to finish, here is the best quote of all time:
"Sometimes all you need in twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."
-Matt Damon, We Bought A Zoo.
Spot on, Mr. Damon.
Thanks for following, stay tuned for next week's fear.
-Court
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