Fear: Blood. Mind Over Matter?

Donating blood has never been a fear of mine. I donate blood as often as the system allows me, about every 6 weeks. The phlebotomists remember me from previous visits… they remember my face, the time of my last visit, and even the very vein I donate from. After dozens of visits, I think it's safe to say that my mind has overcome the fear of needles… But after my experience this past week, I have realized that my body is not above this fear!

It was a day like any other. I was studying during a break between classes, and I came upon a sign that said blood donation services were on campus. I counted the days since my last blood donation, and knew I was cutting it close to the 6-week cut off. I crossed my fingers while the phlebotomist looked up my records… YES. All clear. I chugged a bottle of water as we went through the normal procedures - the finger prick, checking temperature, blood pressure, etc… and I was ready to go. 

My friend Anna accompanied me during the donation. We promised each other we would try to watch the needle go in. She watched! I tried... 
Other than the occasional burn of blood pumping through my vein, I was feeling great, and really looking forward to the complementary cookies and juice when I was finished (oh, what a college student wouldn't do for free food). 
But my peace of mind was instantly interrupted by a concerning comment from my phlebotomist...
Phl: Are you feeling okay?
Me: Yes, I think so. Why...?
Phl: Your blood just slowed way down. It was pumping normally, and then it just slowed down a lot. Just making sure you're okay. Let me know if you start to feel sick.
Me: Oh, I forgot to tell you... I'm not human and I don't have blood. (nervous laugh)

I was fine. After the donation process, I smuggled a handful of cookies and juice, and rushed across campus to my last class of the day. And I must say, there is nothing better than walking around with a sick battle wound wrapped in a yellow smiley-face bandage. I felt pretty fearless.

Donating blood usually makes me sleepy. Lucky for me, a video was on the schedule for my last class of the day. Score. Unfortunately, it was my infant development class, and the video was… a C-Section birthing video. Yikes. So there I sat, striving to listen and participate in the lecture, when suddenly… My ears started ringing. I tried to ignore the loud noise, but I could no longer hear my professor. I tried to focus in, but my vision began to darken. My fingers and legs began to tingle with numbness. My heartbeat picked up instantly. With the thud of my pulse filling my head, and spots dancing around my vision, I began to panic. 

For so long I took pride in myself for being strong and brave while donating blood, and there was no way that I would let myself pass out. Not here, not now. So, I staggered across the classroom, literally holding onto anything I could to stabilize my numb legs, and stumbled outside the door. 
I journeyed down the hallway to a bench, put my head between my legs, and strived to gain my bearings. 
Just then, I heard a voice. The voice of an angel, perhaps?
Angel girl: Hey, are you alright?
Me: What? Oh yeah, I'm fine! Don't worry! 
Angel: Did you just donate blood?
Me: Yes, this never happens to me, I'm so embarrassed... 
Angel: Oh it's okay! Lie down for a bit, that might help.

The random "angel" girl then went on to tell me how brave I was. She said every time she tries to donate blood, she passes out in the donation chair. This "angel" took time out of her day to sit beside me for a couple minutes, comfort me by conversation, walk me to the drinking fountain, and made sure I had a ride home. She was simply the most compassionate stranger I had ever met. Because my vision was blurry and my ears were ringing, I don't think I would be able to recognize her if I ever saw her again. I will never be able to thank her for her small yet influential act of kindness. But people, I'm telling you, there are "angels" among us every day! 

This blood fear "failure" has taught me two things. 


First, the mind and the body are powerful, and yet powerfully vulnerable. Although we may be prideful and stubborn in our mind, our bodies are still vulnerable. We are only human! There is beauty in imperfection… We just need to convince our minds to let the guard down, and to seek out circumstances of vulnerability so we may find that beauty.
Second, and most important, be mindful of others. As imperfect humans, we are often caught up in our own little worlds…  our minds so easily overpower the realities of life. And the reality is, we need to get out! We must go beyond ourselves and look for opportunities to be an "angel" for someone else. 

This fear reminded me once again that times of vulnerability bring us the most strength.

On the plus side of almost fainting? Bonus: I missed watching the C-section birthing video in class. You see, it all works out. 

Thank you for following, I promise to pick up my game.
Until the next fear...
-Court