Fear # 51: Make a Big Decision.

yes.

Three simple letters, one small syllable, endless opportunities. Who knew that just uttering this three-letter word could bring about such a life-altering decision? 

As a college undergraduate in my early twenties, I thought my life was set. I was living in the greatest social scene possible (Provo, Utah: Mormon single young adult capital of the world), I had a plan for my future career after college (go on to graduate school for social work), and I knew exactly what I wanted out of life... Or, so I thought. When I received rejection letters from both graduate schools I applied to, I was absolutely and utterly distraught. I always had a strong feeling that I would continue my education after my undergraduate degree, and go on to change the world in some awesome way. What was I to do now? 

College graduation day came quickly, and real life stared me straight in the face. "What will you do with your degree in Human Development?" people would incessantly ask. I had nothing to say, so I beat around the bush and answered, "I plan to go to graduate school in the future and become a social worker." That sufficed for now. A couple weeks after graduation, I was lucky to find a full-time job. It was a great company, great pay, and temporarily kept my mind off of my future... But my thoughts went crazy in that cubicle as I pondered what I really wanted for myself. As I thought, I doodled. As I doodled, I came to three conclusions:

1. I love learning. 
2. I love working with my hands.
3. Most of all, I love making people feel good about themselves.

And so, I daydreamed of my possibilities. Should I... Wait a year to (maybe) get into a graduate school program, and then finally get a emotionally-demanding career that may take me away from my family life? Should I... Stay at my current job and drive myself crazy with endless "what if's"? Should I... Give up everything and serve a mission for my church?

And then, my mind wandered to a career opportunity that I had never, ever, ever imagined for myself. I had just graduated from a prestigious college, and thinking of starting over scared me. But what truly scared me was the thought of starting over in a field that I had heard non-stop mockery against: aesthetics. Yes, the beauty industry (shuddering).

"You just graduated from BYU and now you're going to beauty school?"... "Why didn't you start with aesthetics first?"... "Don't you think that you should try getting a job with your degree before you spend more money on school?"... "You are too smart to be an aesthetician"...  Mmm hmm. I endured hundreds of questions, which brought along thousands of doubts in my mind. But with every doubt, my faith in my future became more and more clear as I realized my main goal in life. 

I want a career. But first and foremost, I want a family. I want to make family my number one priority in life, and with a career as a social worker, I personally could not have the emotional capacity to juggle both. As an aesthetician, I could create my own schedule or even work from home. I look back on my childhood and have so much gratitude for my beautician mother that was able to give everything to her children. I want that for mine.  Thus, my goal of prioritizing my future family was the greatest deciding factor in choosing aesthetic school. 

yes. 

So, here I am. Not at all settling - instead, I chose to better myself with furthering my education in a field that I am also passionate about. Against all odds, ignoring any judgment, and defying the stereotypes, I am training to become an aesthetician at Acaydia school of aesthetics. And I am absolutely loving it! The past six months of confusion, tears, and finding myself has led me to what I feel was the greatest decision for me at this time in my life. I feel that through this experience, God has shown His trust in me, while helping me gain an open heart and mind. I now look at people differently, because I want them to look at me differently. What we see is just the surface - beyond that is of far greater worth. 

Oh, and by the way, aesthetics isn't all pampering and prettiness. Aesthetics takes a lot of knowledge, professionalism, determination, and a serious love for serving others to succeed. It is better than I ever expected, and I am so happy!

This fear was a long time in the making, and I am glad I finally get to share it. I believe everyone should make at least one life-changing decision, because only through the terrifying chaos of the unknown are you able to truly find yourself. Thank you for reading! Until the next fear...

-Courtney